Of late, I’ve been noticing a recurring theme amongst the men in my circle of family and friends. They seem to have lost their manhood to their female spouses.
I’m seeing these women lay down the law in all sorts of areas: who their men can, and cannot be friends with, and whether they can, or cannot go out with their friends. These women are ‘carrying on’; if their men have hobbies that don’t include them, and I’m also seeing a push to separate the men from their own families. And, what is bothering me the most, is that these men are actually caving in – bowing down to these women because it’s ‘easier’ to do so, than ‘man-up’, and stand their ground!
Of course, I’d like to address these ‘unsavoury’ women who, in my opinion, are an embarrassment to the essence of ‘womanhood’. But as this is a men’s magazine, I’ll stick to addressing the male counterpart.
What on earth is going on with these types of men?? Is it, in the heightened push for feminism and equal rights – men have lost their place in the world?
Are they fearful of being labelled a ‘misogynist’ if they ‘dare’ to say no to these women?
Or, is it, men have become the ‘needy and insecure’ ones? Are they so fearful of being alone, they’ll put up with being devalued, and not respected as an equal human being?
I’m not exactly sure of what ‘it’ is – it might be a mixture of several different things, but what I do know, is that I don’t like it.
I’m all for men and women being equal, but this is not equality. This is a role reversal of how men treated women forty to fifty years ago – it is misandry!
This is not a relationship based on equal rights; let alone love, and mutual respect. This, is a relationship based on fear, insecurity and domination. And that is what I’m noticing today – men (some) have become fearful of women.
I say to these men, ‘wake up’, this is not the way to a happy life – you deserve to be treated better! A real woman does NOT wish to over-power you, and beat you into submission.
A real woman, wants a real man, and that means: being kind, but firm, where necessary. Creating a life together, but not losing yourself in the process. Compromising, but not compromising yourself. If you haven’t got self-respect, no one else is going to respect you either.
Remember, no one in this world is worth compromising your self-respect for, and anyone worthy of you – wouldn’t want you to compromise that anyway.
I’ve never quite understood, why so many are willing to give up their self-respect for the fear of being alone. I would much rather be alone, with my self-respect in tact, and leave myself available for a worthy person; than be in a relationship with someone who treats me badly, and makes me miserable.
Being in a miserable relationship, is not the best example for your children: you are teaching, and normalising inequality and domination within a relationship. And, I’m sure you wouldn’t want your children to live the same unhappy life you have allowed for yourself!
A lot of men say they ‘can’t leave’, for the sake of the children, but this is a copout – an excuse for inaction. Children are more perceptive than we give them credit for – they do pick up on your unhappiness, and that is just not good for them.
It’s time to ‘man-up’: honour yourself, honour your children. Stand up for you, and your equal rights - You deserve that, and so does your dignity!
Stacey Sellars is a regular contributor to The Successful Male Magazine.